Wedding Tips For your Marriage - Weddings in Wales at Craig y Nos Castle

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Wedding Tips For your Marriage

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Wedding & Marriage Tips

Wedding Tips: After the Wedding Day

My single best piece of marriage advice is to buy a comforter/duvet one size larger than the bed. So for a queen bed, get a king-sized comforter. It solves probably 25% of marital arguments right off the bat.

Wedding Tips: Keep Her Happy

From time to time, it’s a good idea to look closely at the way we treat our partner and make sure that our actions accurately convey our true feelings. Here’s a list of 65 things that should never be overlooked in a relationship. If you think I’m wrong, just ask her!

1. Regularly express to her that you need and value her.
2. Do things that make you laugh together.
3. Compliment her for her special qualities and be specific.
4. Put your arms around her when she needs comfort.
5. Speak respectfully, don’t demean her or hurt her feelings.
6. Give her time to be with her friends.
7. Take regular walks hand-in-hand.
8. Be enthusiastic over things that she’s excited about.
9. Do something you think she wants done before she asks.
10. Discuss changes with her first before you make them.
11. Show interest in the relationship and the things she values.
12. Allow her to teach you things without being defensive.
13. Let go of the small stuff.
14. Be a good listener and value what she says.
15. Get away from the routine to spend time together.
16. Go shopping with her without watching the clock.
17. Make her breakfast and clean up afterward.
18. Set specific relationship goals to achieve together.
19. Act like you are partners in all areas life.
20. Don’t take her for granted, always be polite.

Wedding Tips: Say thankyou

Couples who regularly say "thank you" to each other are more tolerant of imbalances in work / domestic chores. It is a mistake to assume your partner just 'knows' you are appreciative of what they do.

Saying thank you confirms it and cancels out any negative feelings one of you may otherwise build up over time, such as the feeling one of you is doing more domestic chores than the other and is 'not appreciated'.

Wedding Tips: "I told you so"

Win arguments gracefully, acknowledge your defeats. Never say "I told you so" - it suggests you are still in doubt about winning and rubs the other person's nose in it. Telling someone you 'told them so' makes them less able to acknowledge your successes which paradoxically, become failures through your insistence you were right.

Poet Ogden Nash wrote the following:
To keep your marriage brimming,
With love in the wedding cup,
Whenever you’re wrong, admit it;
Whenever you’re right, shut up.

Wedding Tips: Share activities

Many people talk about letting each partner do their own thing - so each has their own independence. Balance this need for independence by sharing mutually enjoyable activities, such as walking the dogs (but not, necessarily, shopping).

Do fun things with your spouse. Exercise together, take leisurely walks, or share a pursuit that’s mutually enjoyable.

Doing things together regularly strengthens your relationship and makes it easier for the two of you to face together the difficult days that come in every marriage.

Wedding tips: being bugged?

If your partner bugs you now, the feeling will increase over time and you will feel more and more bugged by your partner. Habits and attitudes you once tolerated will become more of an irritant. A study in America was conducted that concluded this was quite normal. Being bugged is nothing to worry about.

Wedding Tips: Keep Her Happy (cont'd)

From time to time, it’s a good idea to look closely at the way we treat our partner and make sure that our actions accurately convey our true feelings. Here’s part of a list of 65 things that should never be overlooked in a relationship. If you think I’m wrong, just ask her!

20. Don’t take her for granted, always be polite.
21. Admit your mistakes, and ask for forgiveness.
22. Defend her to others, especially to your family.
23. Don’t belittle her intelligence.
24. Scratch her back, rub her feet, and massage her neck.
25. Be especially helpful when she is not feeling well.
26. When she asks how your day went, give her details.
27. Never argue over money, it will damage your relationship.
28. Don’t embarrass her in front of others.
29. Make eye contact when the two of you are talking.
30. Show that you prefer her company over all others.
31. Give her your full attention whenever possible.
32. When she expresses her feelings listen with your heart.
33. Never flirt with another woman.
34. Brag about her and your relationship to others.
35. Surprise her with a card and flowers.
36. Call her when you know you are going to be late.
37. Give her your undivided attention when she’s talking.
38. Never compare her unfavourably with others.
39. Take care of yourself, It shows you care.

Wedding Tips: Attention

When a girl marries she exchanges the attentions of many men for the inattention of one.  ~Helen Rowland

Dorothy Colgan

I promise to give you the best of myself
and to ask of you no more than you can give.

I promise to respect you as your own person
and to realise that your interests, desires and needs
are no less important than my own.

I promise to share with you my time and my attention
and to bring joy, strength and imagination to our relationship.

I promise to keep myself open to you,
to let you see through the window of my world into my innermost fears
and feelings, secrets and dreams.

I promise to grow along with you,
to be willing to face changes in order to keep our relationship alive and exciting.

I promise to love you in good times and in bad,
with all I have to give and all I feel inside in the only way I know how.
Completely and forever.

Wedding Tips: It's the little things...

Ask how your spouse’s day was. Show a little interest. This can make a big difference in his or her feelings toward you. Remembering their birthday with a little gift or a card means you care and remember them.

Women need and are appreciative of small but frequent gestures showing you care. Men are not so bothered and may feel unwilling to 'conform', but are in turn most appreciative of being 'respected'. Showing an interest in their day (rather than discussing a list of unattended chores) works both ways.

Wedding Tips: Build Trust

Build trust into your relationship. Trust doesn’t happen by accident, it’s up to you to earn it. This may take some effort if your partner has been betrayed in the past and still carries the emotional scars. If you want to be trusted then avoid behavior that creates distrust. Be mindful not to get too close with or flirt with members of the opposite sex. Even if your motives start out innocent, in reality you are just inviting problems into your relationship.

Your partner may start to feel threatened or you might begin to view that other person as an alternative in the event that your relationship doesn’t work out.

Be resolved to do all you can reasonably do to give your partner every reason to trust you completely.

Wedding Tips: It's the little things...

A family court judge commented in 99 percent of the divorce cases he presided over, the couples were upset about very small matters. Here are some of the types of complaints he was referring to:

“She never lets me leave the window open at night.”

“He always wears that loud shirt that embarrasses me.”

“She never replaces the toilet roll when it’s finished.”

“He always leaves his socks on the floor.”

Attend to the little irritants or at least, apologise sincerely for them, for what you may not take seriously, can be a big thing to the other person.

Wedding Tips: Spend a Penny

My mother once told me that if a married couple puts a penny in a pot for every time they make love in the first year, and takes a penny out every time after that, they'll never get all the pennies out of the pot.  ~Armistead Maupin, Tales of the City, 1978

Wedding Tips: Love yourself

Love your marriage by first taking care of how you feel about yourself. Marriages can fall apart when one partner becomes depressed, and disinterested in their partner. If you keep working on you, your marriage will stay fresh and vital. Take care of yourself so you will continue to age with grace and confidence by your partner's side

Wedding Tips: Right or Wrong?

When you marry, you are making a decision to choose happiness in your life over being “right” in an argument with your loved one.

To make a marriage work, you need to give in on the little things that don’t matter, even when you think you’re right or even when you are right. Being “right” in most arguments where emotions are involved just doesn’t mean much in the long run.

Have you ever considered the pointlessness of discussing anything with anyone who is not listening to you?  If someone is emotionally not ready to hear you, then no matter how logical your position on something, the other person just is not going to hear you. If winning an argument means battering down the emotional resistance, you are not winning by the force of your logic, but by force alone.

When you “win” an argument, your ego remains intact. But you just weakened the love for you that your partner has for you in her heart in order to do so. Was it worth it?

Wedding Tips: After the Wedding Day

Never go to bed mad,
Or your marriage will be very sad.
Your sex will be better
Your heart be unfettered,
And you'll both be happy and glad.

Wedding Tips: News

Before marriage, a man declares that he would lay down his life to serve you; after marriage, he won't even lay down his newspaper to talk to you.  ~Helen Rowland

Wedding Tips: Doing chores without being asked

I frequently do stuff ahead of being asked. This doesn't stop me being asked to do more!  But it does help if you get into a routine of doing certain chores and then your partner does the other chores. For example I as a man will always do the washing up, my wife will do the cooking, we take turns driving the kids around to nursery, dressing and changing them and other activities or both go together so we are doing things together.
One of the main reasons couples fight is conflict over who is doing what around the house. Chores and child care are not the sole responsibility of your wife. She shouldn't have to ask you to do your share around the house.

Wedding Tips: Gratitude

Cultivate an attitude of gratitude. Any relationship worth building up and strengthening is something to be deeply grateful for. After all, you could be alone!
Having an attitude of gratitude means that your partner will know that you appreciate them. Your appreciation will be obvious in your words and actions, and they will never need to question your feelings in this.
Gratitude is like a big giant security blanket that will transform the overall feel of your relationship. Being thankful for your mate every single day is one of the most empowering things you can do to build a truly exceptional relationship.

Wedding Tips: Taking for granted

Never take your spouse for granted. Observe and remember things that your partner does well or things that please you and let him/her know. Husbands: if your wife has been home all day with the children, spend some time with the children on your return to give her a rest - just an hour or so makes all the difference.

When presented with a nice evening meal, say thank you and show appreciation to be sure of getting more!

Wedding Tips: Please & Thankyou, Politeness is a Kindness

How often do you say "please" or "thank you" or give your spouse an unexpected kiss? Unfortunately, some married couples forget that being kind and affectionate to one another are keys to a successful marriage.

Wedding Tips: The Little Things

My family always says "I love you" before they hang up the phone and my parents always kiss goodbye before one of them leaves the house. I am doing the same with my husband, plus I find him and kiss him first thing when I get home. It is easy to get distracted by life and not give your spouse any attention. Little loving habits can bridge the gaps in stressful times and serve as a daily reminder that this person is important and special to you.

This is certainly true; my wife always says "Love you" and I respond "Love you too" - it is very re-affirming and reminds you on a subconcious level what you both have for each other.

Wedding Tip: Acceptance

Accept their faults. No one is perfect, we all have our bad habits and off moods at times. Appreciate the differences between the two of you. If your partner is grumpy in the mornings, or shouts a lot, love him/her, in spite of the flaws.

Wedding Tips: 3-1

My mother said it was simple to keep a man, you must be a maid in the living room, a cook in the kitchen and a whore in the bedroom.  I said I'd hire the other two and take care of the bedroom bit.  ~Jerry Hall

Or how about this promise?

John Cooper Clarke

I wanna be your vacuum cleaner
Breathing in your dust,
I wanna be your Ford Cortina
I will never rust,
If you like your coffee hot
Let me be your coffee pot,
You call the shots,
I wanna be yours.
I wanna be your raincoat
For those frequent rainy days,
I wanna be your dreamboat
When you want to sail away,
Let me be your teddy bear
Take me with you anywhere,
I don’t care,
I wanna be yours.
I wanna be your electric meter
I will not run out,
I wanna be the electric heater
You’ll get cold without,
I wanna be your setting lotion
Hold your hair in deep devotion,
Deep as the deep Atlantic Ocean
That’s how deep is my devotion

Wedding Tips: Keep Her Happy (Cont'd)

From time to time, it’s a good idea to look closely at the way we treat our partner and make sure that our actions accurately convey our true feelings. Here’s the third section in our list of 65 things that should never be overlooked in a relationship.

40. Be supportive. Help her to achieve her goals.
41. Run errands without complaining.
42. Sit close to her, even when you’re just watching TV.
43. Include her when you make plans.
44. Do things that make her feel cherished as a woman.
45. Build trust into your relationship.
46. Surprise her with a 15+ second kiss.
47. Stay in good of shape so she’s proud to be with you.
48. Be kinder to her than you are to strangers.
49. Make sure she feels valued above everyone else.
50. Continue to court her and date her.
51. Show affection for her in front of friends.
52. Hold her close when she is hurt or discouraged.
53. Surprise her with an unexpected gift.
54. Don’t forget to hold her hand in public.
55. Honour her and support her dignity.
56. Don’t dishonour her by eyeballing other women.
57. Fix dinner for her sometimes.
58. Be sympathetic when she’s feeling down.
59. Don’t ignore the small things that bother her.
60. Do things around the house that she wants done.
61. Tell her and show her that you love her every day.
62. When you’re away call or email often.
63. Show her affection without sexual intentions.
64. Show her affection with sexual intentions.
65. Let her see you reading and applying this list.

Wedding Tips: Making Love

Before marriage, a girl has to make love to a man to hold him.  After marriage, she has to hold him to make love to him.  ~Marilyn Monroe

Roy Croft

I love you, not only for what you are, but for what I am when I am with you.
I love you, not only for what you have made of yourself, but for what you are making of me.
I love you, not only for what you have made of yourself, but for what you are making of me.
I love you for the part of me that you bring out.

I love you for putting your hand into my heaped-up heart and passing over all the foolish, weak things that you can’t help dimly seeing there.

And for drawing out into the light all the beautiful belongings that no one else had looked quite far enough to find. I love you because you are helping me to make of the lumber of my life not a tavern but a temple; out of the works of my every day not a reproach but a song.

I love you because you have done more than any creed could have done to make me good, and more than any fate to make me happy.

You have done it without a touch, without a word, without a sign. You have done it by being yourself.

Wedding Tips: Success in Marriage

Almost no one is foolish enough to imagine that he automatically deserves great success in any field of activity; yet almost everyone believes that he automatically deserves success in marriage.  ~Sydney J. Harris

Wedding Tips: Don't Take Each Other for Granted!

If you are taking your spouse for granted because you believe that your partner will always be there for you, you are making a mistake.

Take the time and make the effort to be kind, thoughtful, appreciative, respectful, supportive, and affirming towards your spouse.

Not taking your spouse for granted means going beyond remembering your anniversary and your spouse's birthday.

Not taking your spouse for granted means being tuned in to how your spouse feels and what your spouse thinks.

Not taking your spouse for granted means you listen, you don't interrupt, and you show and tell your spouse of your love.

Wedding Tips: From the 1950's

The following is from a 1950's home economics textbook intended for high school girls, teaching them how to prepare for married life:

1. Have dinner ready: Plan ahead, even the night before, to have a delicious meal on time. This is a way of letting him know that you have been thinking about him, and are concerned about his needs. Most men are hungry when they come home and the prospects of a good meal are part of the warm welcome needed.

2. Prepare yourself: Take 15 minutes to rest so you will be refreshed when he arrives. Touch up your makeup, put a ribbon in your hair and be fresh looking. He has just been with a lot of work-weary people. Be a little gay and a little more interesting. His boring day may need a lift.

3. Clear away the clutter. Make one last trip through the main part of the house just before your husband arrives, gathering up school books, toys, paper, etc. Then run a dust cloth over the tables. Your husband will feel he has reached a haven of rest and order, and it will give you a lift, too.

4. Prepare the children: Take a few minutes to wash the children's hands and faces if they are small, comb their hair, and if necessary, change their clothes. They are little treasures and he would like to see them playing the part.

5. Minimize the noise: At the time of his arrival, eliminate all noise of washer, dryer, dishwasher or vacuum. Try to encourage the children to be quiet. Be happy to see him. Greet him with a warm smile and be glad to see him.

6. Some Don'ts: Don't greet him with problems or complaints. Don't complain if he's late for dinner. Count this as minor compared with what he might have gone through that day.

7. Make him comfortable: Have him lean back in a comfortable chair or suggest he lie down in the bedroom. Have a cool or warm drink ready for him. Arrange his pillow and offer to take off his shoes. Speak in a low, soft, soothing and pleasant voice. Allow him to relax and unwind.

8. Listen to him: You may have a dozen things to tell him, but the moment of his arrival is not the time. Let him talk first.

9. Make the evening his: Never complain if he does not take you out to dinner or to other places of entertainment; instead, try to understand his world of strain and pressure, his need to be home and relax.

10. The goal: Try to make your home a place of peace and order where your husband can relax.

C21st Update:

FAO Husbands: This advice is now considered out of date so please adjust expectations accordingly.

FAO Wives: 1 is nice, even if it is on a plate in the fridge, 2 he won't notice so don't bother, 3 works only if having visitors, 4 tends to be shared, nothing wrong with last sentance of 5 (you can always pretend), 6 - 10 can be ignored in favour of passing him the remote.

Wedding & Marriage Tip: Loving & Friendship Balance?

This could be a thorny but serious subject and one you may want to read into, alone, on the internet yourself. As each of us are very different individuals, we may well have very different priorities. It appears surprisingly commonplace for couples to get on great as friends and companions, yet have imbalances in other areas such as sexual interest/ frequency/ physical intimacy. This may not matter - but if it does matter to you, or if you have any concerns in this area now or in the future, then read on.

Saying you should pick someone to marry who "makes you tingle at his or her touch," Iris Krasnow wrote about the importance of sexual attraction in your marriage. "Of course, when scouting for the right mate you also want to find someone who listens, someone whose opinion you respect. You want someone who makes you laugh and who backs away from an argument before it turns into a nasty fight. You want someone who is not too stubborn to say, 'I was wrong and you were right.' You want a teammate, not a control freak. Yet it is chemistry that you want most of all, and it is chemistry that makes the fights shorter and the relationship longer."  Source: Iris Krasnow. "Good Sex Makes For A Lasting Marriage." 10/09/2012.

Many would agree with Krasnow's beliefs that you "cannot invent chemistry" and "Sex does not get better with time if you never had the spark in the first place".
A 2005 survey revealed that 88% of marriages felt they had too infrequent sex. This is a huge proportion. Are you similarly matched in libido (high, low, or middling)? If there is an imbalance now (or later) rather than ignore this potential incompatibility, this tricky subject may merit some careful thought and open discussion between you.

Wedding Tips: Unfathomable Love

It's easy to understand love at first sight, but how do we explain love after two people have been looking at each other for years?  ~Author Unknown

Judith Calver
Love is perfect tenderness,
A glance, a certain smile.
Love is understanding
And forgiving others too.
Love lies within us all
If we allow it to,
And perfect love encompasses
Each thing that we can do.
Love is simple yet complex;
It’s selfless and extreme.
Yet love is adoration
And can also reign supreme.
Love can be unrequited
And this love causes pain
But when love is returned in full
Our spirits rise again.
The love we share throughout our lives
With someone by our side
Is one of such perfection
It cannot be described.
So when we have this gift of love
Be thankful every day
And always find within your life
A moment to convey
The way you feel about the love
You hold within your heart
For it isn’t there for everyone
But a gift that is set apart.

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